Expanding the Self: How Play, Space, and Movement Lead to Wholeness
Play, creating space, and injecting movement are vital for integrating the Self
One thing I am sure of is that I have a strong sense of my ‘no’ in life. I can tell immediately when something is not aligned with me, even if I can’t articulate why. Something I want to say more of in 2025 is ‘yes’. I can be a little reticent with my yes. I have been careful in recent years about over-committing because I was still paving the paths I started walking in 2017. Last summer, I had an insight: I wanted to be more ‘immersed’ in my work, deeper in the transformational work I write about so often. At first, I didn’t know exactly what that meant but the enquiry it prompted in me was how can I best use my understanding and experience in the world going forward? What I was certain of was that I would need to collaborate more to do it well. I have been holding these two questions —how and with whom? —in my consciousness during the last six months. These are two questions I want to find a ‘yes’ to this year.
I have been feeling into that over the last few weeks, observing this part of myself with its sure ‘no’ and reticent ‘yes’ — shining a light on it to understand it more. I know these future collaborations will stretch and expand who I am and I am excited about that. I am also aware it will involve change — and, as with any change, a loosening of control. In times of change, we must hold our identity and what we believe the boundaries of who we are more lightly. The invitation, as I open to yes more, is to expand beyond my current comfort zone. I am hitting a new edge and with that, I feel some internal resistance.
When you feel this internal resistance to a new choice, it is because the ego knows it is about to lose some power. The ego does not welcome expansion of the Self. It feels anxious when you start making new or better choices. The ego doesn’t risk itself. It is committed to life staying the same as it was. A life in which you are less than you could be. It is your role to disrupt that pattern and do something different. When you make new, better choices for yourself, your life expands. As your life and sense of Self expand, the ego diminishes. This is identity work in action.
With change in the air, you enter a state of flux. As part of the ego dissolves, your sense of self can feel a little wobbly. Your nervous system gets activated and the tectonic plates of your life may feel less steady. In times like these, I find myself less clear about what I want to say when I write. On Thursday, my plan was to edit an essay I was working on, record it and get it published by Friday morning. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get it to come together. I am typically quite resilient about my writing practice. As a hiker, I compare it to climbing a mountain. It might take longer and be much harder than you planned but you will get to the summit in the end. One step after another is the same as one word after another. But on Thursday, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. The problem wasn’t the piece of writing — it was me. When I am not anchored in myself, I lose my sense of who I am writing for or what I am writing about.
On Friday, I didn’t even open the document. Instead, I cleared out my office to literally and metaphorically create space. Clients reading this will know I am evangelical about creating space in life. Alongside space, when I am stuck, I need play —doing something simply because I enjoy it. In the afternoon, I baked a cake and made a curry and I created a few short reels for social media (you can see one here: Less Rules, More Integrity).
When we inject either play or space in our lives, we step away from the conscious mind so new insights can be mined from the unconscious. Natural impulses and a deeper sense of knowing can be felt. This is why the ego hates play. Play offers insights and insights offer new information for change. When we don’t create the gap that space or play can offer, we dampen the impulse, and we lose the insight. When the insight is missed, the opportunity for greater expression and expansion of the Self is tempered.
When I go through a psychological growth spurt like this, I feel it not just in my psyche but physically. It feels as though I don’t fit my body anymore. There is new energy uncoiling inside me. An under-expressed or less dominant part trying to reach out and stretch itself further. It feels like a literal expansion. I need somatic movement to aid the process. Whether that be exercise, dance or yoga, I need to move the new energy and insights through my body. I am supporting the psyche as it sheds yet another layer of skin by expanding the body’s capacity to hold the larger Self, breaking through the resistance of the ego.
When I finally do let go of resisting the new, I feel such deep relief. Once the resistance passes, I wonder what all the fuss was about. That’s the thing about greater self-expression, we both desire it and we resist it. Having the tools to manage the tension between the two is how we expand the Self. Play, creating space, and injecting movement are vital to the integration of the Self—ways of gifting the psyche time to access and make sense of the changes arising within.