What I Wish I Knew: 7 Lessons from the Last 7 Years

A friend asked me recently what advice I would give to myself seven years ago. It got me thinking. While everyone's journey is unique, here are some words of wisdom I wish I had known back then.

1.      People Always Have a Smaller Vision for You Than You Can Have for Yourself

People are only capable of seeing you in the context of how they see themselves. If their vision for themselves is small, they will have an even smaller one for you.

The person with the biggest vision for your life has to be you. You are the master of your own destiny. You must believe in who you are and what mountains you can and will climb. What other people think doesn’t matter and is rarely helpful.

2.  The Less ‘Stuff’ I Have, the Happier I Am

To keep the vision for life big, keep everything else small. When there is too much of anything in my life; too much to do, too much in my mind, too many commitments, too much stuff in my house – it feels like it invades my body, weighs me down and saps my energy.

The real cost of having more is what it will take from you in terms of your connection to yourself. You will be infinitely more in touch with who you are, your potential and what you should be doing with your life if you have enough internal space to ensure your inner wisdom is always available to you.  

Less stuff = more clarity

Less stuff = better choices

Less commitments = more time with the people that matter

Less…  you get my point 😊

3.      Less Rules, More Integrity

Too many people play life by the wrong rules. Old rules of how things have always been done. These rules maintain outdated hierarchical systems that no longer serve us. When people come to me today for advice on leadership I tell them; think less about rules and more about integrity. If you are ascending too smoothly as a leader – you are likely not really leading. You may be pleasing your boss, your company and the market but at what cost? To really lead, you must be willing to rattle a few cages.

Trust your own counsel.

Find your courage.

Break some rules.

or à la Marcus Aurelius: ‘Just do the right thing – the rest doesn’t matter’.

4.      Don’t Perform. Be Brilliant

Your potential and sense of purpose will never be unleashed by a performance review someone else conducts on you. Don’t perform for anyone else. Decide to be brilliant at something for yourself.

No matter how big or how niche, be brilliant at something you care about. Work at it, research it, learn about it. Invest in both it and yourself. No one can touch you when you decide you are going to be brilliant. The right opportunities or people will always find you. You empower yourself to be able to walk out any door and know other doors will open. Decide what ‘brilliant’ looks like for you and aim for that. It is the only performance metric which matters.

5.      Everything Takes Longer Than You Think

An essential element of everything meaningful in life – a business project, a personal goal, a relationship – is time. This seems to be a lesson I need to learn over and over (and over) again. Everything in the last seven years has taken at least twice as long as I thought.  Resist the temptation to shorten the time needed. Purposeful endeavours simply take longer. Elongate your timeline and think about what you would like to do over a lifetime rather than simply this year. Stop rushing and be intentional.

6.      Learn to Let Go More

A process of personal change and transformation is not for the faint of heart. Death and rebirth are central to transformation. You must give up as much as you get through change. I had to shed old habits, beliefs, ways of being in the world, things I thought I was certain about.

Don’t try to control every outcome. Learn to let go more. Allow things to fall away so new ideas, new parts of who you can be can flourish more fully in the world.

7.      Heart Over Head

All my life people have told me how clever I am. For a long time, it was a defining feature of the value I attributed to myself. I attached a large part of my identity, self-worth and sense of purpose to it. As a result, I was highly competitive, super driven and achievement focused. I was very linear in my pursuit of success.

Today I think who cares? Who cares how clever I am? What is the point if you can’t open your heart to the whole world? Your mind can only get you so far. Get your heart and head talking and your life and sense of purpose expand exponentially.

What really matters is:

Who will you become?

What will you stand for?

How will you serve?